


After The Storm

by ThatBohoFemme



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, M/M, Miscarriage, Post Mpreg, Reflection, Telling the truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 19:44:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16024703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatBohoFemme/pseuds/ThatBohoFemme
Summary: Seth snores peacefully beside him. Dean's envious of Seth's peace. It's a kind of zen he hasn't known in ages. He doesn't know Dean's hell so he's able to rest easy.Seth's got the world in his hand. His star is on the rise. He's finally living out his boyhood dream. Dean recognizes the energy. He sees the star. Seth's living the life he's always been meant for.If Dean tells him the truth, it will serve no other purpose than to make Seth sad and stop him in his tracks. Seth's future lookswaytoo bright for this to derail him.





	After The Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Written for H/C Bingo Prompt: Grief

Dean doesn't sleep well. He's _never_ been a good sleeper but it's only gotten worse _since_. 

Grief does funny thing to people. 

Some move on as if _nothing_ happened. Their quiet stoicism keeps the world at bay. It's a badge they wish they didn't wear so they hide all effects of it. They choose to focus on tomorrow, seeing no value in focusing on today. Their silence tells the world how they _really_ feel. 

Other people seem to get stuck. It's almost as if they're a car out of gas. They've run out of fuel and instead of refilling, they stay on the side of the road, watching others pass them by. People stop, offering assistance but they wave them by. No matter what they try, they're stuck at that one spot and that's okay. 

Still, others use their pain to fuel change and help others. There is strength in numbers. They know they weren't alone in what they experienced. They may feel alone but they know they aren't. They use their shared experience to rally people. They turn their pain into action, ensuring someone has the support they needed but probably never received. 

Dean fits _none_ of these. He's angry. He's hurt. He's _lost_. The blanket of grief weighs him down, allowing him to go through the motions but never fully shed itself. 

He turns his pain into violence. He wants someone to feel as badly as he does. He wants to know he is not alone with the amount of pain he suffers. 

Seth snores peacefully beside him. Dean's envious of Seth's peace. It's a kind of zen he hasn't known in ages. He doesn't know Dean's hell so he's able to rest easy. 

Seth's got the world in his hand. His star is on the rise. He's finally living out his boyhood dream. Dean recognizes the energy. He sees the star. Seth's living the life he's always been meant for. 

If Dean tells him the truth, it will serve no other purpose than to make Seth sad and stop him in his tracks. Seth's future looks _way_ too bright for this to derail him. 

Thus, Dean makes the conscious decision to keep the truth to himself. 

Some might consider it a cruelty but to Dean, it's a _kindness_. 

Dean rolls over, silently padding out of bed. He reaches out, tucking Seth in with an expert hand. If he can't stay in bed, he ensures Seth knows he cares. 

At this point, Dean's an expert at quietly slipping out of bed without waking his partner. Seth _used_ to be the world's lightest sleeper but over time, he's adjusted to the strangeness of Dean. 

Digging around in the pocket of his jeans, he finds the turquoise colored pack of cigarettes. Smoking is a _nasty_ habit. He knows this. He knows he needs to quit but right now, he needs the nicotine. 

It soothes his frazzled nerves. 

He quit smoking for 15 weeks. One day, he gave it up cold turkey and didn't pick them up until he needed the stress relief. Things happened and he needed the calm only provided by Nicotine. 

He removes one cigarette from the pack and grabs a book of matches. He only takes a single cigarette because he knows he's at risk for chain smoking- something he doesn't want to do. 

Seth _despises_ cigarettes. He especially dislikes the way the smell of the acrid smoke cling to Dean's hair and clothes. If Dean insists on sneaking cigarettes, he limits it to just one. 

As he opens the balcony door, a cool wind blasts him in the face. He laughs, loving the way the cool weather's _finally_ taking over. He's always been a big fan of Fall. 

Using his body as a shield, he strikes a match against the back and lights the cigarette. He takes a long puff, allowing the smoke to soothe his agitated nerves. 

His arms shields his lower abdomen. It's an act done on pure instinct and love. His eys widen as he shifts positions. He can't allow this to happen. He pulls back, butting the cigarette out. Now's not the time for this. 

He can’t stop the fall into his head no matter what he tries so he goes with it. 

In a different world, this would be the calm before the storm. 

It’s a reality Dean dreams of. 

He wanders inside. Digging through his wallet, he finds the piece of well loved, well creased photo paper. It hasn’t left his side in almost 6 months. 

He goes back to the balcony, settling in a chaise lounger. Staring at the paper, he lets the lights of the city wash over him. 

15 weeks together. 21 weeks apart. They’ve officially been gone longer than they were here. 

Dean stares at the picture, tracing the familiar image with his finger. It’s the only time he got to see them when they were alive. 

Seth walks out, catching Dean off-guard. He leans over, pressing a soft kiss to his partner’s temple. Catching sight of the picture, he cocks his head. His eyes ask what words cannot. He’s much calmer than Dean would have expected, considering the circumstances. 

Dean knows that look. It’s the look Seth inevitably gets when he’s thinking. He knows exactly what’s behind those dark eyes.

_Is this now?_

Dean clears his throat and shakes his head. Then, he opens his mouth, ready to speak the story into reality. 

“I found out in early March. My cycles were weird and I didn’t feel right.” He closes his eyes, willing the words to come. “Doctor did the sonogram in office. _Fucking gorgeous_ 12 week old heartbeat. I couldn’t wait to tell you. A little me- a little you- so fucking excited.” He swallows, trying to clear the lump in his throat. 

“Planned to tell you when you got back from Saudi Arabia- give things a little time to settle down. Figured if you knew before, you wouldn’t focus on work. Besides, I was selfish. I wanted time to enjoy the news with you.” Dean keeps his eyes closed. 

He knows he’s coming to the roughest part of the story. 

“The night before Mania- I went to bed, not feeling great. Chalked it up to general ickiness. Woke up the next morning and - well, I’ll spare you the gory details but I lost the baby." He shakes his head, resisting the urge to cry. He feels the tears burning hot behind his eyes but he refuses to let them fall. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Seth asks, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"I've held onto the grief- I didn't want it to burden you." As Dean finishes his sentence, an incredible sense of peace crosses over him. 

Seth doesn't speak. He's at a loss for words. Dean wonders if he made the right decision- that spark is gone, replaced with the hollow look of a destroyed man. 

Then, Seth reaches over, taking the picture from Dean's hand. He stares, his eyes narrowing in concentrated confusion. It's clear he has no idea what he's looking at. 

Dean reaches over, tracing the shape of their child. Seth stares down, his gaze focused on the picture. After a moment, he glances up, tears glistening in his eyes. 

_Don't hate me,_ Dean mouths, shaking his head. 

Seth presses a kiss to Dean's temple. He doesn't speak but his eyes say it all as they rest forehead to forehead. 

_I don't hate you. We'll be okay. Promise. I love you._

Dean nods, reaching down to squeeze Seth's free hand. 

He chooses to believe him. 

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a wrestlingkink2 prompt: Dean came back after 9 months looking pretty depressed and angsty. It looks like he went through something that changed him. How bout he took off cuz he got pregnant after a one night stand. he doesn't tell Roman or Seth. But then the worst happened and he lost the baby. Want something where Seth and him are rooming together and Dean has nightmares and is distant. Eventually Dean opens up and tell Seth what got him so depressed. Worst, he think the baby belonged to Seth and he feels so guilty cuz maybe if he had told Seth and not chickened out, Seth would have been there and prevented their baby from dying. Lots of angst, hurt/comfort, maybe Seth and Dean developing into a proper relationship cuz Dean needs that after so much loneliness and heartbreak. Seth feels like he should have reached out to Dean cuz when Dean cuts off everyone, its never a good thing. So guilt on both sides. Happy endings if you can.
> 
> _I put my own spin on it_


End file.
